my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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