My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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