Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
