Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
