Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
