When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
