I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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