i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
