Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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