Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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