I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
