Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
