The maid of honor just puked.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
