Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
