In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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