I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
