I wish my penis had an off switch
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
