Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
