I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
