Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
