highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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