I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
