So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
