Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
