About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
