This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
