I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
