i would punch a child for taco bell
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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