Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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