That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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