Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
