You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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