sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
