i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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