Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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