Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
