Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
