I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
