i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
