Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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