u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
