Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
