UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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