I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
