I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
