he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
