scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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