I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
this is an emotional support booty call
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
