i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so let's talk penis.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
