i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
