I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
