Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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