Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
