Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
