I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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