I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i can't believe i had my finger in that
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
