it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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